John McCain Arizona Senator-R Delegate Count: 697

McCain, often described as a "Maverick" by the mainstream press, represents the moderate liberal wing of the GOP and this has caused a large degree of consternation with the conservative far right who do not consider him a "loyal" republican. McCain wants to continue the war in Iraq, find a comprehensive solution to the immigration policy, reduce government spending, and cut taxes not only for corporations but for the middle class as well.
McCain is pro-life and says he will appoint constructionist judges to the Supreme Court. His
conservative rating rages anywhere between 80% and 88% depending on the poll. He has been consistent with his support of the 2nd Amendment, but conservative critics have been extremely unhappy with the Campaign McCain-Feingold ethics bill which many conservatives see as an attack on the 1rst amendment. On a personal note McCain is known to have a "serious temper" but has manged to connect with voters on his "straight talk express." McCain's campaign was all but over last summer as his critics savaged him for
co-sponsoring the immigration reform bill with Edward Kennedy(McCain-Kennedy). With 70% of the American public decrying the bill's path to citizenship for illegals as "amnesty" McCain saw
much of his political and financial support evaporate. McCain then scaled down his campaign and decided to take his case directly to the voters by "living off the land" instead of relying on big ad campaigns. McCain all but disappeared over the summer and early fall despite being the most vocal advocate for the Military surge in Iraq. McCain's steadfast commitment to national security and the war on terror kept him barely afloat but proved to be his biggest strength as
fellow candidate Rudy Giuliani's campaign imploded amidst stories of improprieties while
mayor and the indictment of his former protege NYPD Chief of Police Bernard Kerik. This vacuum
enabled McCain to return as the candidate who would be best suited to fight the war on terror which remained a key election element for most conservatives. What McCaindid not see coming was the onslaught of attacks from Right Wing talk radio(led by Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, etc.) which universally denigrated him as a liberal and presented a litany of gripes against the Senator's bi-partisan ways. McCain has manged to win several key states without
the aide of the GOP base or the grass roots of right wing talk radio. Today he will address the CPAC convention Washington DC where several pundits are predicting he will offer some sort of olive branch to the far right. But the big question on the minds of many conservatives is what is worse; staying home in November and chancing a democratic victory, or McCain winning without their support and being left out of  a GOP they see as moving to the left?

Mike Huckabee Arkansas Governor-R Delegate Count: 178

Huckabee is Baptist minister with a streak of populism that is new to the ranks of the GOP. Often labeled as a tax and spend governor Huckabee raised taxes six times and then funneled that money back into the state by way of construction of new roads and other public works programs. Huckabee is pro-life, pro-second amendment, and stands firmly against gay marriage. Huckabee has drawn some fire for wanting to include the children of illegal immigrants in school based entitlement programs claiming you don't punish a child for the sins of the parent. Huckabee has been consistent with his stand on the economy-which he views as in trouble due to the current administration's fiscal irresponsibility and have often criticized the Bush's state department for its "bunker mentality" on the War in Iraq and the war on terror in
general. Huckabee managed to briefly became the front runner after the implosion of the Giuliani campaign and even won Iowa, but when fiscal conservatives and the club for
Growth started highlighting his populist tendencies his lead quickly disappeared. Huckabee's main appeal seems to be with southern religious conservatives who feel that the Bush
administration betrayed them by not focusing on GOP blue collar/religious issues and paying too much attention to the "country club" wing of the GOP. Huckabee is a strong
proponent of the  controversial "Fair Tax."Huckabee has survived on meager funds but retains a strong grassroots message among religious conservatives who just recently gave him wins across the south on super Tuesday. The Far right has accused Huckabee of staying in the race as a spoiler to Mitt Romney often saying that a vote for Huckabee is actually a vote for McCain. Hukckabee was the first candidate to revel in celebrity endorsements when retired movie action hero Chuck Norris began stumping for Huckabee on TV and in his weekly column.

Mitt Romney Massachusetts Governor-R Delegate Count: 240

Romney is the former CEO of Bain Capital Investments which has been noted for many of its business successes. Bain and co are expert at corporate turnarounds and Romney has based his campaign as being the "finance candidate." When Romney first ran for Governor he ran of a left of center platform that favored gay rights and was pro-abortion. He has since "evolved" those positions to be more in line with conventional GOP thinking which has left him open to the
charge of being a "flip-flopper." Aside from his political conversion Romney is perhaps the most
conservative of the current crop with nearly all of views falling into line with GOP conventional
wisdom. Romney is also the only candidate who's views most closely resemble the Bush administrations, save immigration where he says all illegal immigrants need to be deported with no eventual path to citizenship-instead he would issue them tamper proof ID cards. Romney sees the war on terror as a generational struggle and like the the other republican candidates wants to expand the size of the military and stay away from time tables in Iraq. Despite being the current GOP favorite Romney has advocated certain positions that are also not consistent with the ideology of the far right. He has suggested a bail out of the auto industry in Michigan, and suggested that stimulus package under debate spend 250 billion instead of 150 billion. Romney has seen an increase in support from the far right as over the last month as conservatives sought an alternative to Huckabee and McCain but at no point has
Romney ever been the front runner. Romney's campaign has been mostlyself financed with over sixty million dollars coming out of his bank account, being a millionaire gives his the stamina to remain in the race-his net worth is suspected to be between 200-250 million. BREAKING NEWS: Romney just dropped out of the race at the CPAC gathering in DC ten minutes ago. I guess it just doesn't make sense for him to have spent so much money and received so little support. Romney outspent Huckabee 20-1 in Iowa and McCain 10-1 in New Hampshire and was trounced soundly in both contests.

Ron Paul Texas Representative-R Delegate Count:19

Dr. Paul's champions often paint the libertarian as  the one true conservative in the race.Paul is pro-life, pro-second amendment. Paul advocates small government, reduced spending
and a nonintervention approach to world issues. Paul favors getting rid of the IRS and Social Security as ways of reducing the influence  of the government. Paul is the only republican
who advocates  getting out of Iraq ASAP citing the waste of tax payers funds on what he sees as an immoral  war. Like all of the GOP candidates Paul wants to see the border sealed
with a fence and increased guard presence. Paul is opposed to NAFTA and most international trade agreement which he feels encroaches on America's trade sovereignty. Dr. Paul ran into a bit of trouble when it was revealed that some of his direct mail newsletters contained inflammatory racial rhetoric but Paul has maintained those letters were written by a ghost writer with out his approval. Paul has always done well  in online polling and the cyber community where  he has out raised candidates like McCain and Giuliani but his message has repeatedly fallen on deaf ears in all the current contests as most conservatives strongly disagree with his stance on the war. Paul may have enough money to remain in the
race but pundits on both side of the isle seem to be in agreement that his campaign is going nowhere and that his delegates are not enough to provide him a "king maker" platform
at a possible brokered GOP convention.

Hillary Clinton New York Senator-D Delegate Count:832

Mrs. Clinton is a moderate democrat who has the backing of not only an ex-president but a finely tuned political machine that has been in operation since Bill ran for Governor of Arkansas
oh so many years ago. For all intensive purposes Hillary is the establishment candidate of the DNC and has proved her mettle by derailing two attempts to deny her a senate seat in NY.
Conservatives see her as the primary enemy and the most likely democrat to get the nomination. Hillary is pro-choice, somewhat anti-war, and champions a universal health care system that will cover all Americans. Hillary like most democrats does not want the Bush Tax cuts renewed and will most likely raise some taxes to pay for a variety of entitlement and socialist lite programs. Hillary stands for a comprehensive plan for immigration that provide a path to citizenship yet she also recognizes that the borders must be secured through a variety of high tech gadget like devices instead of fences and increased manpower.  Much to the consternation of the far left Hillary will most likely continue the war in Iraq and Afghanistan at reduced troop levels as opposed to a complete withdraw. William Kristol hit the nail on the head when he opined that in 2008 "sensible democrats would keep a large force in Iraq" even under the guise of ending the war or refocusing attention to Afghanistan. Hillary is favored by the "Latte Liberals" in the northeast and she proved it super Tuesday by winning the big money
in New York and California. As GOP strategist Karl Rove likes to remind everybody Hillary has the highest negative ratings of anybody who has ever run for the office of POTUS. This is a
hit or miss assumption as many people have already made up their minds and it has yet to affect her status as the recognized front runner. Up until December Hillary continued to gain
supporters despite the upset by Obama in Iowa. Democrats seem to like Hillary as she bring considerable experience in the political world and up until lately Bill had been seen as a major
asset to her campaign. Her name recognition plays well with Hispanic voters and women over the age of sixty; the baby boomers. Hillary has worked especially hard to soften her political
image and now answers questions in townhall forums whereas before she did not. She has even shown a new kind of vulnerability by crying at some events which of course was made hash by a variety of pundits on both sides of the political spectrum.

Barack Obama Illinois Senator-D Delegate Count:748

The first time senator erupted on the political stage in 2004 when asked by John Kerry to speak at the Democratic National convention and its been full speed ahead ever since. Obama was the first black president of the Harvard Law Review and instead of going for a high paying job in the private sector he returned to Chicago to pursue a career in community activism.
Obama has consistently out fund raised the Clinton machine through small donor and first time donors which has proved the power of the Internet during a campaign year. Obama wears the label of the senate's most liberal member. Obama is pro-choice, favors civil unions, is against the war, wantss a path to citizenship for illegal aliens, and also favors a plan for some sort of universal health care coverage. As far as most conservatives are concerned there is very little difference between Obama and Clinton in ideology which also explains their popularity with most democrats who seem to indicate that they would be fine with either of them
getting the nomination. Obama however is the candidate of the far left with political groups like Moveon.org and the now influential Dailykos website pouring money into his already bulging coffers. Obama's critics claim that being a state senator and a one term freshman senator does not give him the experience required for POTUS. Obama's tenure as a state senator gives him the perspective of how federal laws affect the state and as many politicos will tell
you there is no tougher town that Chicago for dirty backroom politics. Obama is a veteran of those battlegrounds and seems ready to confront the GOP as eagerly as the Clintons. Obama's message of hope and change is a tough one to beat as the mood of the country seems to indicate intense dissatisfaction with Bush and the "do nothing congress." Obama also enjoys the most celebrity endorsements and secured the Kennedy family endorsement insuring that at least in the minds of liberals he is indeed the inheritor to the legacy of JFK.

Part 2: The Great Game

Please note the author has never actually met any of the candidates and the following information, and events described therein came from a dream after eating way too many Chilli & Cheese Fritos and watching Fox News and MSNBC for more than 24 hours straight.


Mike Gravel

Senator Gravel met me by one of the main terminals on the Alaskan Pipeline where he treated me to a six hour monologue about how he and Spiro Agnew had made the pipe-line possible and how if it wasn't for him we'd all be living in solar powered caves and eating raw fish like the Japanese. When I attempted to tell him that the Japanese didn't live in caves he grabbed me by the collar and asked if I was one of those Holocaust deniers who had been sending all those darn mailers to his house. After thoroughly convincing him that I had nothing to do with that he assured me that America was in fact ready for a President who had declared bankruptcy and anybody who said differently was clearly a bigot of some sort. I said I wasn't so sure and he replied "well lets see what the polar bears have to say about that" and promptly drove off in a sporty red snow mobile with vanity tags that spelled out "win n 08."      

 
Dennis Kucinich

in 1979 Kucinich was 31 years old and the Mayor of Cleveland. In fact he was the youngest Mayor in the country and was often referred to as "the boy Mayor." An informal title he has kept over the years and still allows close associates(like Shirley McClane) to call him in private.  Rep. Kucinich is a true progressive and he tried to explain to me his many plans for government including his 12 point plan for Iraq but frankly I just couldn't get past the whole Vegan thing. I asked him if it was true that he doesn't eat any meat or anything with meat by products and he said "No. All life is sacred." I then asked him if he considered plants life sacred to which he explained "he would not hesitate to murder, skin, and eat as much broccoli as he could get his hands on."  I asked him what brought about this change in his diet and lifestyle to wit he directly said "my wife won't kiss me if I have hamburger on my breath." He then adjourned our meeting as he had yet another "fool proof plan" to impeach Vice President Cheney.

Joe Biden

Joe Biden is like the uncle who comes over to your house, eats all your peanut butter, tells a few ribald jokes, and leaves dishes in the sink. You love him to death but you wish he'd go away, and go away quietly. This never happens. Joe is also one of those guys who loves to tell you about how he was right and others were wrong, wrong, wrong. Now don't misunderstnd me,  Joe has mucho experience but often times he uses his powers for evil and not for good. Joe sat me down and led me through a complex flow chart he had designed on a I-Hop napkin that according to him conclusively proved that Dick Cheney not only was behind ever major conspiracy in the last thirty years but that the VP also was the leader of an international oil cabal that smuggled infants from Africa and used them in boutique bio fuels. When I pressed him for evidence he called me a neocon stooge and stole my pen.   

Bill Richardson

Did you know that Bill Richardson has been nominated five times for the nobel peace prize? Did you also know he was Hispanic? Well apparently I'm not the only one in the dark about Bill's credentials cause the Nobel special interest lobby threw their support to Gore this year and the La Raza refuses to acknowledge his ethnic background on the grounds that he has never eaten at a Taco Bell. when I asked him  about the Wen Ho Lee scandal he simply replied "all roads in China lead to Bill Clinton." When asked what he meant by that he stated it was something he had read in a fortune cookie and that it sounded good.

Chris Dodd

I like Dodd's hair. It is so white it defies description. In fact I was so mesmerized by its shiny glow that I found myself donating a hundred dollars to his campaign. Dodd is a fighter and to prove it he showed me a clip of him on "The O'Reilly Factor" duking it out with Bill-O over the Daily-Kos controversy. It was a glorious three minutes of two grown men losing their respective cools and calling each other propagandists and traitors. Truly awe inspiring. Dodd even showed me the unedited director's cut where he and Bill-O stripped down to the waist, drew out bowie knives and proceed to have a good old "Mississippi Mudbank Razor Row." If you look closely at the Fox pundit you can see where Dodd cleaved his face completely off-you really need an HDTV to see what I am talking about. Bill-O has swore vengeance and has been "swift-boating" him ever since.

John Edwards

Edwards sure is a handsome man. And I am not a homosexual, nor do I have any tendencies of that nature. I just don't want the guy hanging out near or with my girlfriend. Sure I feel threatened. I'm not a lawyer with money to burn and a slick populist message. Liberal chicks go ga-ga over that kind of stuff. My parents seem to like this guy which to me is an automatic reason not to like him. I met Edwards at night behind an un-named corporate headquarters where he was pouring gasoline into an air vent while explaining that big business was the enemy of the little guy and the small business owner. He then asked if I had seen the movie "Fight Club" and went on to explain that it was indeed his favorite film and that he personally just couldn't get enough of "that rascal Brad Pitt." We then went back to his sprawling antebellum estate where he treated me to a sixer of PBR and some pigs in a blanket his wife had made the day before. "Sure I may be rich he said, but I like the simple pleasures in life." Afterwards we hopped onto his private jet, flew to Atlantic City and proceeded to blow two million dollars at the craps table. 

Barack Obama

Barack's politics of hope has a nice ring to it; but you and I both know that something is up with this guy. I aimed to find out and met him at low key diner in the south side of chicago that used to be run by the notorious Vice Lords. Barack spoke of uniting people and bridging  the gaps between the two parties and how we all needed to stand to together. He spoke of unity, peace, and the love of his fellow Americans. That's when it  hit me; this guy had a gigantic set of ears. I mean, he got Vulcan ears. No, seriously, if you squint at him you'll see he looks just like Tuvok from Deep Space Nine. I decided to test my hypothesis by asking him if the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few or the one. Instead of answered me he gave me a Vulcan nerve pinch and I woke up just over the state line in an Indiana cornfield with a searing headache.

Hillary Clinton

After a thorough vetting I was allowed three minutes with Hillary at notorious Clinton HQ Bunker number thirteen.
Six humiliating strip searches later I got my audience  and presented my questions which were promptly thrown out, re-written, and answered by a talking point spewing robot called the Hillary Mk V. The Hillary Mk V stands four meters tall and sports a pair of huge clawed hands capable of rending most conservatives to shreds in matter of minutes. Was I afraid? You bet. Luckily James Carville was there and assured me that a good plate of gumbo poured into the mechanical politician's eye sockets would keep the thing at bay. He then took me down to the cigar room where Bill was in the process  of hand rolling a few stoggies with tobacco smuggled in by cuban refugees who promised to vote democrat.   

Well there you have it. 08 looks to be a fun year for all.
 

First let me say right off that I know very little about the Mormon religion. I like it that way. And I don't think I want or need Mitt Romney to explain or not explain his faith to me. I take it on face value that his overall belief in God informs his values and that is fine by me. Nowhere in the job requirement for POTUS does it say that a candidate must be a person of a particular religion, but I see a danger emerging that will effect the overall election especially with conservatives. Mitt now feels compelled to deliver a JFK style speech(he's already backing away from that description saying JKF already gave the definitive speech on religion in America) and will do so tomorrow at the George H.W. Bush Library to an audience of reporters and interested parties. JFK gave his speech to a collection of mixed Clergy and I must point out it was not so much the speech but the Q&A session afterwards where they repeatedly asked him if he was going to be taking orders from the Pope.
I have a suspicion that Romney is not going to follow suit on that point and that is the true error in his tactics. Instead of confronting an audience of evangelical Christians he's going to allow the Media to take his words and refilter his religious beliefs to the American people. Not a good idea. It seems to me that the only reason Mitt is giving this speech is because Pastor Huckabee is passing him in the polls. Should Mitt feel threatened by Huck's emergence? And is Huck's emergence truly an issue of religious preference? Some would argue Huckabee is on fire because of his views on the fair tax and not his religious beliefs. Maybe Romney would be better off addressing that in a speech instead of laying bare his Religion to public scrutiny.  I don't plan on listening. I don't need to know about Romney's faith to know if I would vote for him. I do however need to hear him lay out his plans for energy independence, the war on terror, and his economic plan for the country's future.
If conservative candidates engage in vote pandering by way of claiming to be the most religion, the most devout, or whatever it will start to detract from the overall platform as the smears will get nasty and leave many religious conservative angry at their own candidates for engaging in the denigration of another 's faith. I think it's fair to point out George W. Bush's used faith to create a coalition that is now in tatters; an argument over the Mormon religion will do little to nothing to bring that coalition back together.   

While the Democratic debate this week produced little new information about the candidates it did provide the MSM, commentators, and political reporters some new grist for the Hillary-Mill. Up until this week the narrative had been that the Hillary campaign had flawlessly maneuvered through a variety of minefields and snafus ranging from Norman Hsu to her choice of pantsuit. Now after a less than stellar debate performance a cry has gone through out the land; she's vulnerable! Or in the immortal words of Arnold Schwarzenegger "If it bleeds, we can kill it." Yes the political sharks smelled blood in the water and one by one they pilled on Hillary like rabid dogs fighting over a piece of fresh meat. Perhaps of all the attacks the most salient was from the Washington Post's Ruth Marcus who in summation claimed that Hillary cry of "sexism foul play" was way out of line. And that may be true. Certainly the boys were not in attack mode driven by gender but rather by her commanding lead in the polls. Recent Rasmussen presidential pols taken after the debate in PA show Hillary still beating Rudy and remaining some 20 percentage points ahead of her fellow democrat competitors. Some have said this is the week where Hillary's campaign jumped the shark but I feel one bad week does not a campaign make. Hillary was already in damage control mode on Wednesday where her chief strategist Mark Penn attempted to smooth out her immigration flop with liberal bloggers. On the other side of the coin conservative talk show shouter Rush Limbaugh spent the first hour of his Wednesday program playing clips of Hillary's laugh and saying that the alleged "gang-up" on Hillary was far from anything spectacular. And in that rush is 100% right; if that was the best her opponents could bring to bear it will be smooth sailing from here on in. What the Right Wing Talkers seem to be forgetting is that their audience does not comprise Democrats or moderate independents, they are for the most part "preaching to choir" who have all memorized the same anti-Hillary hymn.  On the flip side the more they screech the more opportunities arise for Hillary to defend herself in front of a mesmerized left who want to see her "deck the opposition." The right's most strident shouters are doing their own base a disservice by bashing Hillary when they should be boosting their own candidates. The right has already made up its mind about Hillary, about their own choices; not so much.